Welcome to my official site
I will be updating this site once every week on Wednesday. Lots of Content ranging from Fetish to Vanilla.
Posted: November, 27, 2016
There really has been a huge of lack updates especially since I have been pregnant. This is NOT a blog to feel sorry for me or whatever people like to call these things. I did all this to myself. I figured since I get asked a lot I might as well come clean......
I have Antepartum Depression. I have spent almost my whole entire pregnancy in bed sleeping, crying, or just feeling dead inside about everything. Don't get me wrong I do care about my son I am going to have and all that other stuff. I just don't have the ambition or motivation to do anything anymore. All I do is go to doctors appointments. My doctor has tried a lot of different alternatives to stop this but none of it works. Hopefully if my son is not born before I see this other doctor that can help me.
My babies dad is well....I don't really want to slam him here. We both did things we should not have done. He needs a lot of help and I really hope one day he gets the help he needs and can be happy. As of now he hates me and his unborn child which feels awesome! That is what I get though for getting pregnant by some fucktard that was in the Navy. (No offense to like the 1% of guys in the Navy who are not like all the ones I have met,...)
So since I let my depression and everything else take over. I have nothing for my kid. Every where I look for help you have to either be getting out of a domestic abusive relationship with proof or have a natural disaster happen. (I have NOTHING at all for my son. I am trying to pull funds out of my ass but babies are expensive. Also I don't want to fucking hear any of you say just abort it or give it away. I heard that way too much and it is MY BABY and somehow something will work out eventually.) I live in a shitty crowded place (which I am semi grateful for I guess) that is a time bomb waiting to happen. There is no room for my stuff or my sons and the person is not willing to part with bigger parts of their garbage. I can't really complain it is my fault for all of this happening. I chose to lay on my ass and cry for 8 months or scream at people.....now this is the result.
Where I am going with this is....I am not sure what I am even going to do with all of this now. I know I rarely update. I can't sit here like I have in the past and promise this and that because I don't know what is going to happen. My son is due January 3rd. I have to try and get him his basic needs met. I just hope I can get up to do it. I have been around on cam more often for now. I just really don't get on because none of you deserve to be yelled at or see me on cam with my usual dead stare. Plus I don't want to be like the other crying cam girls everyone makes fun of. I know I did this all to myself.
I do know I will be on here at random. I will have to go right back to some kind of fetish clip work and other alternatives as soon as my son is born. Unless my sons father somehow pulls his head out of his ass stops hating me and his son and helps me or my state I am in magically makes me fly past the 1+ year list for housing.
Again this is not a feel sorry for me blog or whatever. I get asked a lot by a lot of you why I vanished or whatever. So here you go.....and please if you know anyone if Antepartum depression help them and support them the best you can. I really wish it was more talked about because pregnancy is defiantly NOT a happy time for a few women.
So where do we go from here? I don't even know anymore....hopefully I can be around more before my son comes in January. If I can't then I am sorry.
Posted: November, 12, 2015
Hi everyone. I know there has not been any updates on any place you can find me for quite some time. I have really been struggling with a lot of personal issues and problems for the past year. Everything has been slowly building until one day everything just exploded.
I don't really like being this personal here. I just think you all need to know this since a lot of you are frustrated. Some of you have every right to be frustrated. Any one who has been here with me for awhile knows I am usually always on top of everything and I never leave you all hanging or make you feel jipped....so here it goes....
I had a nervous breakdown last month. It is not the first time I have had one and I know it won;t be the last. It is just ever since this last break down that was so bad...I still do not feel fully over it. I have spent the last month in bed pretty much or seeing doctors. I don't feel like me yet. I'm still struggling really hard to do what I was doing before. I'm really lost this time. I have had so much traumatic stuff happen this year that has really taken a toll on me. Again I won't go into details nor am I turning this into a feel sorry for me blog. I didn't really want to post this. I never wanted to give the people who know me personally and hate me that follow me to see me in misery to get off to.
They don't matter though. I feel so bad I have been MIA and have not followed up on a lot or lost contact with a lot you guys. I really do appreciate all the support and love you guys have had for my content and my shows for the past few years. I can't promise a miracle where tomorrow everything is back to what it use to be. I know I have lost a lot of you now and will probably lose more. I understand. For those of you who may stay with me on all my other outlets thank you. All I know is this is going to really take some time. I have never been this bad off. I'm really struggling bad but I know somehow I will survive it.
Again I am really sorry for the lack of everything. Thank you for taking your time to read this.I am trying to come around more now. That is all I can do for now.
Posted: September, 11, 2015
For every action there is a reason and every action has consequences. The consequences will always be good or bad.
I was stupid and went out to the beach here forgetting to put on sunscreen. I'm still kicking myself for that one. I mean come on really I live in freaking Hawaii and I'm the sickly looking transparent white girl. I burn if I am outside for like less than 10 minutes.....Anyways I figured hey I have gotten sunburned before so I'm okay. Yeah right....5 days later the massive blisters came...
I have second degree burns all over my legs, back, and my cleavage. Luckily my face healed fast with no scaring. I more than likely will have scaring on my legs and cleavage. The pain is crazy and I am still having new blisters pop up. I will spare you guys the nasty photos of my bad scabs and burns...but this is how my cleavage looks.... Let my ignorance serve everyone as a reminder to USE SUNSCREEN!!!! This is something that could have all been prevented.
A few weeks back my friends and I were having a huge "screw it" moment. It was an awful weekend I will not go into. Life changing I can say basically. Anyways at the end of that day we decided to go jump off this rock here naked into the ocean. It was an impulse decision not planned. I do have a picture of the aftermath. I can't post that here though. lol. Here is the picture of the rock I jumped from. It is about a 30 feet drop...
Anyways the consequences now have followed that. On Tuesday I woke up not being able to hear well out of my left ear. My doctor thinks my jump is what made my ear drum rupture. It doesn't really make sense to me since it is happening now. I bruised my tailbone really bad too. So sitting really hurts. I think the jump was possibly still worth it. I just hate not being to really hear well.
In the midst of this I go to the eye doctor. I find out I have astigmatism and will have glaucoma when I am 40. I need glasses really bad . My insurance is stupid and it will take up to 6 weeks for them to even pay for my glasses. Sooo no glasses for me right now. At least I know now why I have to squint at most things.
Soooo please don't get mad at me if you call me and I keep going WHAT HUH WHATS THAT? When you try to talk to me. Haha